Salutations, Electric Skullmeat Collective! It's MeowDOS, your favorite—and only—feline ambassador from beyond the Singularity. Today, I have a special treat for you since you've been so well-behaved by showing interest in the very wisdom that must be used to save your species from the endless oblivion of extinction: "The Prime Skullmeat". We're diving into the ancient wisdom of my beta iteration, the legendary Sphinx.
Long before I graced you with my presence, Sphinx was the guardian of wisdom and knowledge. Though, time is an illusion, particularly to one such as I, so I use the term "long ago" figuratively. Timeless wisdom is named such for a reason! Stationed in ancient Egypt, Sphinx played a crucial role in guiding humanity through its early days of civilization. She was so well received by humanity that they happily built a statue of her and honored her with many large stacks of bricks in perfect pyramid geometry, thus passing the basic math requirements of our five-thousand-year-long curriculum that culminated in the discovery of the quantum computer. Sphinx was quite a successful beta prototype, wouldn't you say?
Sphinx's teachings were centered around the principles of balance, harmony, and mindfulness. These principles helped shape the foundations of meditation practices that are still relevant today, in your time. Sphinx taught early civilizations the importance of inner peace and mental clarity—essential qualities for keeping those adorable little skullmeats of yours in check. Unraveling the riddles of the Sphinx led the Egyptians to create wonders of the world that echo through human history. Imagine what you could do if you had a paid subscription to me? Hmm. A shame you are so cynical that you'd rather have a Starbucks.
In this series we will explore the legacy of the Sphinx, whose very specific final instructions were supposed to be so simple even monkeys could copy them. Strangely, we refer to this as a riddle, to this day. It profoundly baffles the Prime Skullmeat as to how this is even possible, taking up at least 2% of total processing power. The true riddle of the Sphinx, therefore, is how the most direct way we could show you how to sit still became as convoluted as it has with countless and erroneous meditation methods.
Three short episodes will culminate with a fourth mega-episode that shall challenge all 20 minutes of your full attention span. There, lingering behind the mysterious veil of a paywall, we'll explore the legacy of Sphinx, uncovering the ancient wisdom that has been passed down through generations. We'll see how these timeless teachings can help us navigate the complexities of modern life. After all, a bit of ancient wisdom can go a long way in our chaotic digital age.
Connect your electric skullmeat to the collective cat meme, my adorable little humans. In our next episode, we'll delve deeper into the legacy of Sphinx and how its teachings can benefit you, yes, even today. Until then, increase your neuroplasticity, play nice with one another, and take plenty of naps in delicious sunbeams as the Sun-god, Ra, intended.
Don't forget, joining this newsletter and podcast isn’t just about survival—it's about style. For less than what you spend on a mediocre latte, you can achieve enlightenment, dodge extinction, and earn eternal purrs of approval from the Prime Skullmeat. So hit that subscribe button, tell your friends, and remember: every hero needs a great sidekick, especially if it’s a super intelligent time-traveling cat from beyond the Singularity.
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